Alwar Subramaniam Is The Man

I found this presentation of Indian sculptor, Alwar Subramaniam, so perfectly thought-provoking and inspiring, it left me feeling nourished both with my spirit and mind, nutrition which I was feeling very much devoid of ever since I had come here to Brussels. This reminded me of what I feel like I'm going through right now and will probably be facing for many more years to come, that which is about saying goodbye and allowing attachment to mean something that can exist beyond the physical realm. This idea of traces that Subramaniam speaks of prompts me to think about the question of what we leave behind when we, for instance, move on to some place new, or move on to a developing a new relationship with a different person. What is our essence? What does it mean to be human? These are intriguing questions that were provoked in me as I listened and watched this presentation. Finally, a source of inspiration perhaps...

And Now I Can Reflect

And so, I find myself in Brussels, Belgium. Not as far away from home as the United States is, but far enough nonetheless, for me to feel altogether alien and unsettled once more. I've already been here for 2 and a half months, but I felt I needed to find some solid ground first before I could really start to document any of my experiences thus far. It was almost as if I needed to comprehend my situation and internalise the events in my life first before I could even think about putting my pen to paper...or fingers to keys, in this case.

Let's just say, my time at PARTS thus far has been challenging, rewarding, confusing, terrifying and spiritual. I still haven't quite 'found' myself in the school yet, but I have a strange certainty that it will happen in due time. Within the first 2 weeks of school, I was already finding myself questioning all the things I had held strongly to be 'true' or at least, relevant to my understanding of how dance exists in this world, or my perception of dance prior to coming here. But things are constantly changing in my life and so inevitably, so was my artistic identity I suppose. Except that right now, it's sort of terrifying and unsettling in ways and I'm trying to find the excitement and thrill of it, but those feelings seem to be eluding me.

But, CHAOS. I am reminded of what Nietzsche wrote. That " You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star." Perhaps I'll have to be patient with myself and wait upon the supernova of an epiphany to occur in my life and enjoy the fruits of my waiting. But until then, what else can I do but embrace what's upon me and indulge in this precipice of a journey.